homestuckfanfictionhelp:

Second in the “Guide to…” series! 

{ see also: the Dave Strider guide to metaphor (and simile) }

CG: HOLY FUCKING TROLL JESUS CHRIST

CG: HAS YOUR THINKPAN BEEN SUBJECTED TO THE DISEASE YOU CALL FRENZIED HOOFBEAST AND MELTED SLOWLY INTO A USELESS SLOSH OF UGLY GREY SLIME?

CG:THE SHITBLOATED SENSELESSNESS-LADEN CARBON DIOXIDE YOU HAVE BEEN VOMITING INTO THE ATMOSPHERE FOR THE PAST FIVE EARTH MINUTES HAS DONE NOTHING BUT SUCK EVERY OUNCE OF MEANING FROM MY GODLY EXISTENCE THROUGH SUBJECTIVE METHODS OF SHEER BOREDOM-INDUCING BULLFUCK. 

CG: I CAN FEEL THE TINGLE OF MY OWN SPONGECELLS PAINFULLY TAKING THEIR OWN LIVES.

CG: THEY HAVE BEEN PUSHED TOWARD THE PRECIPICE OF HOPELESSNESS BY THE THREAT OF TRANSMOGRIFYING INTO THE STUPIDITY-INCARNATE EVERYTHING CURSED TO PROCESS YOUR WORDS INEVITABLY BECOMES. 

CG: DOES THE LOAD CAPER CONTENT CRAWLING ITS WAY UP YOUR USELESS PROTEIN CHUTE EVEN REGISTER INSIDE THAT THICK SKULL ON YOUR SHOULDERS?

CG: OR DO YOU JUST STRING LETTERS TOGETHER AND HOPE SOMETHING PRETTY COMES OUT, YOU UNDERDEVELOPED CLIMBBEAST INFANT?

clockworkstrides:

hey guys sup its been a mo but i am here for you
just another strider rider comin through loud and clear
testing one two
anyway if you want to holla holla
might even give you a dolla
(damn im rusty)
so hit me up

DAVE??

thecatsmeow90:

Working on my paper is hard on both of us.

taskscape:

zaynsmaliks:

how do u even start dating your crush how does that happen to someone

Go up to them

Press A

prolusion:

you’re adorable fuck me against a wall

bondoge:

teapotlovestacos:

Actually I’ll be 49

bondoge:

teapotlovestacos:

Actually I’ll be 49